Monday, September 20, 2010

Fear of Failure

Why am I so scared to fall? Worried I won't be able to keep up? I think the fear of failure is one of my most limiting qualities. If I don't try my hardest at something, it's like I convince myself that I *could* do it, if I had really tried. Unfortunately I think this has a more negative effect overall than if it turned out I have to work extra-hard at something in order to achieve it.

I fight this fear every time I go to practice, even just GETTING to practice is an internal struggle. This roller derby thing does not come easy to me, especially when I see skillsets surpassing my own in girls that started this endeavor long after me.

Anyway, last week I only completed half of practice on Monday. Craptastic eating habits and little water left me dehydrates, dizzy, and exhausted. Tuesday Daniel led a drill and we had a visiting skater. I am extremely insecure in my speed and blocking ability, but did complete the exercises. Then scrimmage where I busted my elbow because of my cheap pads.

Saturday was our fair demonstration, I was once again the fat girl. I *hate* being the fat girl in the group!!! Three of us were on skates, 4 weren't, and we did several short demonstrations. Wrecks' flirty ways also scored us free cinnamon rolls. Nice. Straight from the fair to BB's baby shower, and though I had grand plans to either return to the fair or head to Dylan's party, the night ended with me watching The Bounty Hunter with my parents. hehe. Sunday was the last bout of the season - TARG's expo (or The Lightening Broads) vs GCRG's expo (Thunder Dollz) and I screamed so much I lost my voice and gave myself a headache. They whooped us HARD, 249 to 69. What a way to go out.


  1. I feel your pain! I have that same fear of falling and failing. I haven't even done tryouts and I already have myself convinced that I am going to get hurt. You can do this and so can I and we will rock the derby world!

  2. yes. yes to everything said above. We all work, and gain experience and skills at different speeds and don't make my mistake by spending too much time over-thinking it. The main thing I think we all forget sometimes is that we're supposed to be having fun. Do your best, and smile... and laugh.